Me- then and now

I was so different when I was a child. I was wild, uncontrollable, brimming with enthusiasm and the ambitious desire to own the world. In fact then, I really did think that I was the owner, the sole proprietor of the world. Oh, don’t confuse me with God. I didn’t think I was Him. I just thought that I was a very close friend of His and that He had sent me here to set things right. In fact, when I was exposed to the concept of Christ and his sacrifice, I thought I was him reborn! I aint kidding!! I earnestly felt that God was tired of sending him again in the form of a man, so He picked me and packed me down here!

And I firmly believed in that idea because whenever I came up with an original idea, mind you I was very original then, it was copied by others!! I swear! All those brilliant ideas that did wonders to our economy and surroundings were mine! They were my musings and reflections and I never whispered a word about them to any other soul. Obviously then, the tactile form of those ideas took me by great surprise! That was when it dawned on me that I was the channel through which these progressive thoughts could be transferred to others. All I had to do was to think! That’s it! And by some inexplicable process, these creative outbursts would spread to the lesser mortals!

But later I grew up and that lovely and whimsical world in which the child-me resided, was left behind. I realized to my dismay, that I didn’t own the world. And that all- consuming desire to conquer the world backfired. The world conquered me instead! I didn’t have the power to set things right. The things just kept going wrong and I couldn’t do anything about it. I changed into something better or worse, God and maybe You alone know. I discovered that I had flaws too and I sincerely tried to overcome them and become good. Well, that didn’t do me any good! Consequently I changed again, but this time I transformed into a rude monster.

The dire poverty that inspired me to believe that I could change the world doesn’t affect me today. The sight of slums which pushed the seven year old me to take an oath unto myself that I will become the prime minister of India someday is conveniently blurred by the sight of sky rise appartments today. I have become numb and am not comfortable with that. No, I am not.

I want to return to the old me because I was so different when I was a child…